Would it be a drastic oversimplification to assume that the formula for happiness and satisfaction to some extent sums up to where I set my expectations? Cos it makes a lot of sense, getting what I want naturally makes me happy and being deprived of my needs reverses the mood. What makes one happy is subjective and to some extent defined by the very person. Then it would make lots of sense to assume that my happiness depends on where I set my expectations. And my level of frustration, anger, annoyance , like wise.
Interacting with people on a regular basis while maintaining some sort of relationship involves expectations. Expectations on actions, words shared, thoughts and behaviours. Based on the foundation of the relationship, past experience, we subconsciously build up expectations on how that person will treat us, response to our request, initiate help etc etc etc. I am starting to think that lowering the expectations on the other person’s action or behaviours significantly can decrease the propensity of disappointment or frustration that would come as a result of unfulfilled expectations. Imagine being able to lower the expectations quite dramatically that even comments and actions which are undeniably stark would not hurt us or bother us that much. I especially find this appealing in situations, relationships or arrangements where you are not in a position to upbraid or scold the other party for not doing enough or well.
It sounds very plausible no? Why should I make my happiness dependent on other people’s actions when it is the exact thing which I can least control or predict correctly. Isn’t it irrational and very unhealthy to put my happiness in the hands of others whom behaviours I can’t alter nor shape...I am responsible for my self, it is my actions, my thoughts, ideas that I am in control of but yet my emotional fulfilment is often given to others beyond my circle of immediate influence.
Interacting with people on a regular basis while maintaining some sort of relationship involves expectations. Expectations on actions, words shared, thoughts and behaviours. Based on the foundation of the relationship, past experience, we subconsciously build up expectations on how that person will treat us, response to our request, initiate help etc etc etc. I am starting to think that lowering the expectations on the other person’s action or behaviours significantly can decrease the propensity of disappointment or frustration that would come as a result of unfulfilled expectations. Imagine being able to lower the expectations quite dramatically that even comments and actions which are undeniably stark would not hurt us or bother us that much. I especially find this appealing in situations, relationships or arrangements where you are not in a position to upbraid or scold the other party for not doing enough or well.
It sounds very plausible no? Why should I make my happiness dependent on other people’s actions when it is the exact thing which I can least control or predict correctly. Isn’t it irrational and very unhealthy to put my happiness in the hands of others whom behaviours I can’t alter nor shape...I am responsible for my self, it is my actions, my thoughts, ideas that I am in control of but yet my emotional fulfilment is often given to others beyond my circle of immediate influence.
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This is so true Amel! My sentiments exactly at the moment. I am sittng here trying to figure out why the reason I have a smile or a frown on my face in the morning has somehow come to depend on the behaviour of blondy.
ReplyDeleteAtleast now it has become mostly smiles :)
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